It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
