"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
