A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
