There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
