is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
