Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
