Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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