i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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