i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
