if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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