I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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