I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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