Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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