whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
