God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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