So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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