I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
