My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
