Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
