Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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