He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
