i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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