no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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