you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
