but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
