my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize