all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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