lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
