just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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