Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
home. puking in laundry basket.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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