I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
