I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
