I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
