you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
