I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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