She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
