Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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