So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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