Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
