My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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