I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
