i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
