I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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