Soap is not a condiment
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
