Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish I could teleport
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
