sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
