Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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