No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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