My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
