i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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