you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
