The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
