I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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