ADVERTISEMENT

• (301): View more from Maryland

  : I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  but u need boobs to get one in the first place.

  Fav 4 907 1472

  share tweet
  

• (752): View more from California

  What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?

  (209): View more from California

  I think the two go hand in hand.

  Fav 73 1434 6323

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

  Fav 22 5872 1059

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

  Fav 9 3646 1224

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.

  Fav 2 640 1042

  share tweet
  

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets

  Fav 4 929 595

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?

  Fav 2 549 664

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!

  Fav 1 577 546

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.

  Fav 0 668 392

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life

  Fav 1 36 20

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  You were crying hysterically

  (540): View more from Virginia

  So that's why my heels were in the oven...

  Fav 0 19 34

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.

  Fav 0 37 3

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex

  Fav 1 55 5

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.

  Fav 0 57 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was super inconsiderate of me

  Fav 0 14 47

  share tweet
  

Randomize