I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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