Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
