that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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