do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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