can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
