He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
