just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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