I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize