sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
