Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
