so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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