oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
