They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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