my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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