well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize