No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
