Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
