He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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