You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
