I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
