He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
