My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
