somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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