You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
