You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
