Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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